Surrender - Healing the Past and Letting it go.

I’ve never considered myself a victim. Or at least I told myself that I wasn’t. 

I thought of myself as strong. (I still do) I saw myself as a survivor. I ‘overcame’ all the bad stuff that had happened. I moved on. 

Sure, I made some bad choices. I hooked up with the wrong men. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of by friends and family. 

I didn’t speak up for myself. I didn’t confront people when they wronged me. I didn’t fight back or stand up for myself even when it got really ugly…

I rolled with the punches.  I didn’t feel that I could walk away…”I can fix this” or “what would they do without me?” I stayed in relationships that were bad for me.

I would constantly gaslight myself into believing that it was all going to be ‘okay’, I just had to get through this. I was afraid to move on.

I gave and gave and gave and gave… then I was asked to give even more – until there was nothing left to give. I felt like I was folding in on myself…

That was the straw. You know the one. 

The last one… The one that broke the camel’s back…I had no choice now.

Our bodies tell us when it’s time for a change, but we can ignore our bodies, pushing ourselves harder to prove we are worthy. We strive for recognition and praise until our bodies and brains scream ENOUGH!

Past pain lives in the body, and when we don’t ‘deal and heal’, it physically changes us. It lives in our subconscious, dictates our behavior, influences the choices we make or don’t make, and affects the relationship we have with ourselves and others. 

Where do we begin? How do we move toward healing from past pain? 

How do you even know when you are living in the past and holding on to past pain?

These are the things I realized about myself once I began my healing journey.

  • You fear change. You struggle with letting go of what you ‘believe’ to be your reality. Resistance to change leaves you stuck in place, tolerating a toxic situation, too afraid to break free. Subconsciously believing you don’t deserve better or different. Afraid if you do change ANYTHING, it will all fall apart – forever.


  • You blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life. And sometimes even in the lives of others. You beat yourself up for every little mistake you make. You wallow in self-pity. You overthink EVERYTHING! You hold onto a lot of guilt and shame. “If only” becomes a mantra. You think YOU need to change so everything will be better.


  • You tend to hold grudges. You dwell on past offenses and hold onto anger and bitterness, holding it in… But, for the sake of ‘peace’ (for others, not yourself), you don’t speak up or walk away… You stay and carry it around with you like a suitcase or a badge of honor. 


  • New opportunities scare you. You don’t seek them out, and when they do come up, you talk yourself out of pursuing them. Your inner dialog tells you you are not worthy, talented or smart enough, etc. You’re afraid of failing or being rejected. 


  • You don’t have plans for the future. Nothing in the future excites you. You’re comfortable aimlessly coasting through life. When asked about plans for the future, you struggle to SEE a future; you don’t have an answer. When you do try to think about the future, you end up daydreaming about the past… You can’t even tell someone what you do for fun.


  • You frequently compare yourself and your life now to how it used to be. You were prettier, slimmer, had a better job, a nicer house, a better car, more money…You are not satisfied with who you are now or what you have in your life today. Everyone else is better and better off than you are. You compare until you despair. 

Fondly remembering your past is quite different than dwelling on it or living in the past, lamenting over what you lost, or ruminating about the bad things that happened, rehashing them over and over. When we do that, our body reacts as if it were happening right now, releasing all the same stress hormones into our system. After a while, we live in a constant state of fight or flight. Our body never has the chance to ‘rest’ and ‘recover’. 

Chronic stress affects us mentally and physically. Anxiety, depression, the inability to concentrate or remember, aches and pains, weight gain, intestinal issues, and a compromised immune system, to name a few.  Literally making you sick.

To get better, to feel better, to BE better… we have to choose to heal our pain, let go of the past, and move forward.

Written By Lois Sciligo

37 Responses

  1. This message definitely hit home for me thank you this is GOD SPEAKING TO ME thank you soo much for this I am in the transition of healing from last hurt trauma I do suffer with Severe PTSD . SEVERE ANIEXTY AND SEVERE DEPRESSION BI POLAR AND ALSO EVERYTHING THAT YOU CAN BE MENTALLY DIAGNOSED WITH . But I am better than yesterday I have my hood days and bad days and I am the princess of reprogramming my mind and creating the life I want for myself and my kids and it’s been rough but today I choose to live and not die and thrive and I know it does not happen overnight but I’m doing everything I can to get past this and this is so helpful I am greatful for this for you you are a blessing and thank you soo much for starting your story. Thank you I’m in tears ? but I thank you for letting me know I’m not alone I’m getting aligned with every part of my life emotionally spiritually and Pyschially I’m pushing myself I can no longer live with guilt I want and will live in abundance and heal and tell my testimony to the world my voice and story is my way of helping the world heal and thank you sooo much ♥️??‼️

    1. Thank you for sharing your story Dezyiure and for allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I believe that awareness and being honest with oneself is the key to healing trauma. PTSD changes your physiology, your brain, and the very chemistry of your body. Letting go of guilt and forgiving are huge huge leaps to healing. Be sure you read the PS in the email I sent. 🙂 Sending you much love. Lois

      1. Thank you Lois, This is pure synchronicity. I’ve been through hell since breast cancer almost 20 years ago. I was allergic to the 2nd chemotherapy drug and it took 16 years for me to recover from neurological issues etc. I was stalked and had to move several times and change my phone number etc. I worked the pandemic and tried to have a relationship with someone who I had known since high school only for him to go from soulmates and the love bombing to downright scary. I was diagnosed with PTSD before and as much as I try to move ahead, I got scammed out of all my money that was for dental implants( chemo killed bone) Thank you for this article. I’m so glad that I read it. I’m so ready to move forward and stop blaming myself for all the screw ups. I’m not so angry but I’m really sad. Giving love & blessings to all you beautiful women. Thank you so much.

  2. Thanks so much Lois? I appreciate you sharing and agree. Let’s pray we can “put it down”. Whatever it is…sooner than later

    1. You are so welcome, Shann. And yes, sooner is always better, but we know that healing comes at the perfect time when we are ready.

  3. Omg!!!! This couldn’t have been a perfect time…. I just really noticed my weight!!! I e picked up when you think your on to something then something else shows.. you must really know me???

    1. That is wonderful Lynda! Choosing to take action vs staying in a situation that can do more harm is a great decision. 🙂

  4. Awesome!! This fits me to a T and I Need to know how to heal this and turn my life around to working for me instead of against me!!

    1. hello I’m with u I just can’t get there I don’t ask 4 help but I’m getting better at saying important I’m worth it

  5. This article feels like it was written personally to me. I am ready to move ahead, with healing. I’m not sure how to do that, but willing to learn.

    1. I am so happy you are ready to move ahead and heal! Be sure to check the PS in the email Michele and join us in the new community. 🙂

  6. I went through all of the same. My mother told me to get rid of my last relationship I asked her if she knew in my future how many men it was going to take for me to find the right one. She looked at me a little shocked but now I think it was my girl cares about her self and her body. I taught my 2 sons that girls are not toys and if you make a mistake own up to it be honest before moving on. My eldest is in his 2nd marriage and my current daughter in-law is his 2nd relationship and very happy. My youngest has had one failed relationship he is okay with his life. I have been single for almost 30 years it may change only the universe and God knows. Its called divine timing I call it a long wait, I am positive.

    1. My God we have lived the same life. We’ll needless to say I’m 62 years old now & still can’t seem to find the right guy. I keep asking myself, what’s wrong with me? Don’t have any friends , my own family hates being around me. I use to. Until some of the men I went out with changed me. I want me back. I forgive myself & my experiences (mistakes) & for holding on to them , some since childhood. They haunt me still. How can I change my energy?

  7. Too many insults, pain, accusations, heartaches, disappointments and betrayal. It’s crushing me like hell.

    Gratitude and appreciation. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this.

    God bless everyone.

  8. I just lost my job. I have been through many months of torture from my new boss who watched my every move, every word, every phone call. Spent hours being pulled into her office to be lectured on how I was unable to do a job I have done for 9 and a half years with no complaints. She made me feel small and stupid. Then she fired me. I am feeling lost right now.

    1. Sharon, know that her actions and words are a projection based on her insecurities and inner fears. When people need to belittle others, they shout their pain to the world.
      Know that You are beautiful and perfect in every way. There is so much more in store for you, my dear. You are loved and celebrated here.

  9. Beautiful soul Lois,
    What you expressed had so many commonalities for me! I’ve been there.
    I’ve been on the path of healing all that pain.
    Tomorrow I go into the hospital. There’s been some chronic things going on that need immediate attention.
    Everyone, please pray ?for me.

  10. I too felt like your story was 100% about me and all I have and am going through. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, they say since I was 1 years old, and I feel as if nothing has gone good ever in my life. I am so ready to learn how to heal and quit hurting myself and others.
    Thank you for the invitation to join. Never really knew there were others out there as I am.

  11. Much gratitude for the sharing of your self.
    I resonate with this that many are going through in there transitioning.
    Much love to all on there journeys.
    We’ve got this!
    Much love light and gratitude for being in the knowing.
    Love sent to you all!❤️?

  12. Thank you, and namaste.
    Every word resonated with me, I thought how in the world did you get in my head and so eloquently articulate my deepest fears and insecurities, how do you know me? When I could not have expressed myself anywhere near as well, if at all? Honestly I knew I had past traumas and ptsd but it didn’t really hit me until now just how deeply it’s affected me, my relationships , my whole life every aspect of it! Wow! I’ve got a lot to process and work through and that scares the hell out of me!!! I don’t even know where to start or how but I do know I can’t keep putting it off and telling myself I’ll deal with it later. ….
    So thank you again for sharing and giving me the courage to start the healing ❤️‍?
    Thank you to all you beautiful souls in here as well, y’all helped me have the courage to even write this much! I am filled with gratitude. ?☀️?

    1. That first step… it’s a tough one. But in making that commitment, you are showing yourself some deep self-love.
      Take it one step at a time. Work through the Empath Course 2.0 and do the workbook pages and logs. Journal and meditate. Then do the 7 Mirrors course.
      Don’t put it off any longer.
      Check the bottom of the email and join us in the new community.
      You are worthy and deserving of all the love and light. Namaste, my dear one.

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